Negotiation as Purposeful Leadership: Staying True to Your Vision When the Pressure Is On
- Alice Shikina
- Sep 8
- 6 min read
Award-winning mediator Alice Shikina explains how to own your power by stepping up your negotiation skills
Owning Your Power with Purpose
There are so many feelings around the idea of negotiation. Many people think of it as something that men do. Many women feel that they do not excel at it. Some may feel it is inappropriate to negotiate, based on cultural values. Others do not want to look greedy and choose not to negotiate. For many women of color, negotiation is complicated by systemic and internalized expectations to be self-sacrificing, and always put others first. Regardless of how one feels about negotiation, in order to be an effective leader, one must embrace negotiation. It is a fundamental skill for leaders navigating today’s high-pressure leadership landscape. It is time to shed that baggage surrounding the idea of becoming a master negotiator and embrace your power to lead.
Negotiation is about the power to persuade and influence. Those with strong negotiation skills tend to be good leaders who are able to stay aligned with their purpose under pressure. They effectively persuade others around them to buy into their vision and spend their time and energy executing to make that vision a reality. Negotiation is simply high-level communication. Many of the same communication rules apply to negotiation. And like communication, success depends on more than words.
The Power of Non-Verbal Communication
One of the most overlooked aspects of communication–especially in leadership–is non-verbal communication. It involves tone, attitude, facial expression, body language, eye contact and energy. Many leaders think they are great at communicating, because they have mastered the verbal side. But that is only 40 percent of the picture. The remaining 60 percent–their non-verbal communication–is completely overriding their words.
A common pitfall leaders make when communicating is to let negative or judgmental thoughts seep into their body language. To prevent inadvertent thoughts from being communicated through non-verbal communication, it is imperative to stop those thoughts when in direct communication with someone. Try to think positive thoughts only. If that feels difficult, try to neutralize any negative thoughts. Just remember this golden rule: if you are thinking it, you are communicating it—verbally or otherwise.
Energy is Everything
Your energy enters the room before you do. Show up with confidence, optimism, and the belief that your vision matters. If you radiate low or defensive energy, you diminish your ability to influence others. But if you pair enthusiasm with conviction, you become magnetic. That’s the foundation of leadership—and step zero of negotiation.
Preparation is Power
As with anything, preparation is critical. Just as you would not run a marathon without proper preparation, you cannot lead without a vision, a goal and a roadmap. No matter how small your negotiation might be, good preparation will go a long way to achieving your ideals. It is important to know exactly what it is you want. If it is money, know the exact dollar amount. If it is to hire more faculty or staff, know exactly how many, how much you want them to be paid and what they will be doing. If it is to move your department to a new software program, know the details of what is on the market, the implementation costs, subscription costs for your team, length of onboarding as well as the pros and cons between using this particular program or platform and others, as well as the one you are currently using. If you are looking for a raise or to be promoted, you want to make sure you understand the job market, what someone of your caliber is typically worth and what exactly you bring to the table. Have data to back up your request for a raise or promotion. How have you helped the institution or company? How much money have you saved or made for the institution? How have you moved the needle on rankings or reputation? Have these and other numbers handy for the conversation you will have with your boss when you make the ask. Being prepared will more likely get you that promotion or raise.
Influence is Leadership
There are many instances as a leader where you will need your negotiation skills to lead your team, institution or company to success. Not everyone will believe in your vision. Not everyone will want to follow your plan to execute. Not everyone will want to donate to your cause, if you are running a non-profit. That is why persuasion matters. Transformational leaders understand that it takes a village…or a whole institution or company to get to the end goal. You will not be able to do it yourself. And you will also not be as successful if you have people working against you, sabotaging you or building alliances to persuade others to follow their ways.
Listening: The Secret Weapon
One of the most powerful tools in leadership (and in negotiation) is the power to listen deeply. When you listen to others, you will move mountains. Even if you do not agree with what they are saying, you will be able to lead more easily. Make room for their ideas and listen to what they are saying to you. Everyone wants to be heard and seen. If people do not feel heard, they will act out and behave badly until they feel they are heard. It is incredibly important to listen to your teams before you lead with your ideas. When you listen, you are inherently allowing their ideas to influence yours. Even if you end up not incorporating their ideas, they know that you took the time to listen to theirs and they will likely not work against you when it is time to execute.
Listening deeply is a skill that sounds easy to master, but so few people do it well. Simply listening to someone actually does not indicate to the speaker that you are listening. The way to demonstrate true listening is to repeat back with as much detail as you can recall what you understood from the speaker. Once you do this, the person speaking will feel seen and heard. Only then is it appropriate for you to respond to what they said. Even if they state facts or ideas that you clearly do not agree with, it is still important to repeat them back. Your role at this stage of the negotiation is not to correct the person you are trying to influence or convince them that they are wrong and you are right. What is important is that you have given them a gift of deep listening. You have acknowledged their feelings, opinions, ideas and vision. By adding deep listening to your leadership toolbox, you will find that people respect you and are much more willing to be influenced by your ideas.
Negotiating Money
The two areas where people find negotiating to be most difficult are when either money or emotions are involved. When money is being negotiated, you want to ensure that you leave room for negotiation. Don’t lead with your final number. And don’t accept the first offer. When you lead with your final number, you are likely to get a final number that is lower than what you were hoping for. Or you may end up with a failed negotiation, because you appeared to not negotiate in good faith. If you accept the first offer, you will unintentionally make the other party feel as if there was more money on the table. People always feel like they got a good deal if they had to work for it. If they did not have to work hard for a deal, they will go away feeling like they missed out on more value.
Emotions Derail Negotiations–Every Time
Finally, it is important to remember not to negotiate if you are feeling strong emotions. If you are angry, frustrated, defensive or are experiencing any other similar feelings, you should table the conversation until you feel calm. Emotions disrupt our ability to think reasonably and strategically, therefore, our access to our negotiation skills is also diminished. Remove yourself from the conversation and return to it a little later.
When you are able to cohesively use all of the skills discussed here, you will find yourself on a path to becoming a skilled and powerful leader. People will be drawn to you. They will want to follow you. They will buy in to your ideas and vision. They will want to give you their best to accomplish what you set out to achieve. Leading will become easier. You will have convinced your team, with your passion, energy and respectful communication skills that your vision is worth pursuing. Own your power. Embrace negotiation. Lead with purpose. Your institution–and your future–will thank you for it.
Alice Shikina is an award-winning professional mediator and communication trainer who works with individuals, teams, and organizations across sectors. She mediates divorces, workplace and family conflicts, and trains corporate and nonprofit staff in communication, conflict resolution, and negotiation strategy. She can be reached at: https://www.shikinamediation.com/
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About the Center for Liberated Leadership
The Center for Liberated Leadership connects and supports BIPOC, women, LGBTQ and equity-oriented leaders so that they can lead with authenticity, purpose and joy. The Center's executive coaches help leaders navigate uncertain contexts and relentless workloads, beat burnout and maintain sustainable work practices.
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