Is it Time to Quit?: Advice for Overwhelmed Leaders

Chinyere Oparah shares some timely advice for leaders who are wondering if it's all just too much.

At a recent gathering of senior university leaders, one brave leader put into words what many academic leaders have been whispering behind closed doors: “I’m exhausted from constant outrage, demoralized by seeing programs we worked so hard to create dismantled, and depleted from managing the anger and anxiety of students, faculty and staff. I know my community needs me, but how do I know if it's just too much? When is it time to quit?” Another leader put it this way: “I’m not going to let this job kill me!” 

If you’ve had these thoughts too and the image above captures your secret fantasy, you may be feeling conflicted or even guilty. On the one hand, you are fiercely loyal to the people you serve. You got into this work to fight for educational equity and justice, and you know that now, more than ever, the students, faculty and staff you work with need you to be a steady and protective presence. 

On the other hand, your body may be telling you a different story. Sleepless nights, teeth grinding, an inability to unplug from work, anxiety, headaches, or a short fuse may be signs that this job is overwhelming your ability to manage stress. And perhaps your partner or loved ones are gently prodding you: “I know you care deeply about this job, but I’m worried about you”.

So is it time to quit? 

Yes!!

It’s time to quit sacrificing your mental and physical health.

It’s time to quit putting your body on the line to protect your students and community. 

It’s time to stop acting as if everyone else’s wellbeing matters, but yours can be postponed indefinitely.

Have you ever felt like you are on the verge of quitting your job altogether, but when someone suggests missing a Cabinet meeting, archiving your entire inbox or taking a week off, you throw your hands up in horror saying: “I just can’t, the team needs me right now…” Or, “what would people think?”

What if you took that feeling of wanting to quit seriously, and asked it what it wants?

Take a moment, and put your hand on your heart. Ask yourself what you yearn for.

Unstructured time with no demands?

Time to play and be silly with your kids?

Time to veg out and watch a juicy Netflix series?

Time to take a luxurious nap and then lay dreamily thinking of nothing in particular?

Neuroscience is now telling us what our heart has always known. Our brains actually need unstructured time when we are not focused on a specific task or mentally problem solving. When we are in this mindspace, our brains access the Default Mode Network or DMN. Scientists using neuroimaging discovered the DMN when they noticed that the brains of people at rest have an unusually high level of activity in a network of brain regions. They called it the “default mode” to signify the brain’s unfocused state, where the mind is allowed to wander, and daydreaming, contemplating what you’ve learned from the past or thinking creatively about the future occur.

When overindulged, the DMN can lead to rumination and worry about the future. This may be the reason we unconsciously throw ourselves into constant work and planning during times of stress, fearing where our minds will go if we stop. But when we do not allow ourselves enough unfocused brain time, we cut off a fertile source of creativity and self awareness, and undermine our memory and cognitive integration processes. 

The result? Feelings of overwhelm, a tendency to suppress our emotions and bodily sensations, and a limited awareness of choices and possibilities.

In contrast, when we extricate ourselves from work demands for a while, and liberate our minds from constant problem solving, we return refreshed and equipped with new creative ways of seeing our situation.

So before you quit your job, consider this. Perhaps it is time to pay attention to your body’s messages and your heart's wisdom.

Time to have a radical rethink of what you prioritize and how you work.

Time to quit working unsustainably, and start saying no to unreasonable demands–other people’s and your own. 

Many years ago, I had the epiphany that if I were my own boss, I would have to picket myself! I was pushing myself in a way I would never treat an employee. That ahah moment led me to rewrite the book of my life from a story destined to end with a stroke or cancer–both of which sadly happened to my hardworking immigrant father–to one grounded in wellness practices, including yoga, mindfulness and long walks in nature. Both when I was a Provost/VPAA and today as a professor, executive coach and CEO of a thriving leadership center, these practices have sustained me and allowed me to access a deep well of creativity and resilience. 

Putting this commitment to myself first has meant that I have had to prioritize ruthlessly, disappoint people, say no, and set and maintain boundaries with myself and others. But these practices have actually increased my effectiveness by focusing my attention on what’s most important. I’ve also had to ignore pointed comments from those for whom overwork is a badge of honor; a small price to pay for my personal and professional sustainability.

It is not easy to make such fundamental changes, especially during these chaotic times. But then again, since everything is in flux, perhaps this is the ideal time to try something new. Partnering with a coach, engaging in a community with peers equally committed to a liberated leadership practice or working with an accountability partner are all ways that leaders have made transformational changes in their lives. 

So what do you think? Is it time to quit?

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Chinyere Oparah is an executive coach, strategist and educator. She has served in senior leadership roles in the nonprofit and higher education sectors, including dean, provost and vice president for academic affairs for over three decades and is the founder and CEO of the Center for Liberated Leadership. Sign up for a free leadership consultation with her here.

About the Center for Liberated Leadership

The Center for Liberated Leadership connects and supports BIPOC, women, LGBTQ and equity-oriented leaders so that they can lead with authenticity, purpose and joy. The Center's executive coaches help leaders navigate uncertain contexts and relentless workloads.